Ten years later I go to Yahoo and Yahoo is featuring tiny images of the Twin Towers over the count of my inbox every day of September until the Eleventh, maybe? Maybe then it will stop. Or perhaps Yahoo would like to accompany me through that entire year. A difficult year. Here now, I am not the person I was. I would simply stop using the Internet.
Every year I feel this day. Not the days I checked into or out of treatment centers or the days I graduated or moved or broke-up. Not days my dogs died. Always birthdays. But everybody will remember September 11th. Talk about where they were. Give everything this, this hissssstory. These markers, and so, I will remember too. I will write about it and share with others and sometimes feel so dramatic like I was there, I was there, I was there.
Though, at some less expected point throughout the day, I will lose myself in a memory of that day and days following, before we called it 9/11. (Though, we did that quickly. September Eleventh is so poetic.) I will completely regress to an otherworldly scar inside myself where a different human being was terrified. Inside that memory, I will shatter like the towers and stop existing for less than a second and there is nothing. Always, I am alone when this commemorative terror strikes. It is not something I can capture for you.
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